Life for a single woman..

Read this from the blog of a local blogger, felt it needed to be brought into the limelight.

The city doesn’t seem safe anymore. There is too much harassment in the subtlest forms. Life for a single woman, even if she dresses modestly, isn’t easy. Harassment isn’t nothing new for me, but there are times when it just seems to be happening every day, in many forms. There would be a sleazy doctor, who would touch you in the wrong way. There would be cars following you around, towing behind you, with creepy guys calling out: “App ko kidhar jana hae?” there would be bike walas swerving and screeching in front and back, saying: “kidhar jana hae, hum chor deti hein!” in the public transport, there would be prying fingers of men, as they refuse to let women sit on the only two seats they have claim upon besides the one near the bumper. Then we sat in the public transport and saw the person sitting in the female section, facing us and staring and staring and staring and then touching himself….unbelievably gross.

Credit: Anonymous (on the authors request)

114 Comments so far

  1. Adnan Siddiqi (unregistered) on March 10th, 2007 @ 9:02 pm

    Ramla yo were asked a simple question and you made and issue and start bullying and discussing anything but not the REAL issue. I simply dared to ask that whether you believe shariah/khilfat is compatible with today’s world or NOT. YOu had no courage to answer it ,you rather started talkig like typical desi girls like “slap me”,”stupid” etc. Grow up! If you had no answer or had no courage then you could simply walk out but since consider urself some QUEEN[which was noticed by othrs as well] of KMB, you started whining that you are being misbehaved while ur comments are still on this thread that you are also abusing me. Why the heck u beg for special attitude? THe issue is that you have an ego problem kid. You were not stopped in your childhood by your elders and your level of arrogance kept increasing. I was one of those who used like your post as KMB author but it doesnt mean I am bound to accept every crap you share here or anywhere else.

    Go and think once. Fix your ego issue. It would help others to experience your real intellectual skills.

    @mansoor: kid i think it was you who declared Ramla mentally ill. I think you are upset enuf after watching gand rape of your foji community every where TV,Internet,papers etc.


  2. wasiq (unregistered) on March 11th, 2007 @ 3:45 am

    YA ALLAH BANGLADESH WORLD CUP JEET JAAY….PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE…!


  3. ash (unregistered) on March 11th, 2007 @ 4:25 am

    nothing works on trolls heh? ive heard you can kill a troll with starvation:)
    adnan what i dont understand is how you pretend to run around with this great religious message that you want to tell everyone about, but the second anyone doesnt agree with you you erupt into a ball of abuse ….


  4. ash (unregistered) on March 11th, 2007 @ 4:32 am

    Maybe you should ask yourself why you need to behave hatefully to everyone else instead of just allowing them to disagree with you. I mean really ….if you act this way in real life you need lithium. Why are you nutty madmen the ones who keep trying to tell other people about religion? If you were truly a religious person you would know that treating other people respectfully is as mandatory as anything else. But like every other hypocrit in town you just want to disguise your hate as morality….do you think you fool anyone?


  5. Original-Anon (unregistered) on March 11th, 2007 @ 4:32 am

    All this heated back and forth was one of the saddest things; it just made me feel really bad. We lost sight of the issue which I think is an extremely importnat one.
    Ramla darling, calm down , take a deep breath and remember you do NOT need to prove yourself to others in this manner; you know what you are doing and you have faith in yourself and your abilities and that should be enough.
    Adnan, I know you are argumentative but I also always thought that you have a good heart – what is going on with you? I don’t think I ever knew you to behave this way.


  6. Ramla (unregistered) on March 11th, 2007 @ 11:01 pm

    @ Orig-Anon:

    I agree that I have shown temper.

    As a normal human, I do get distracted by persistent abuse – there is a limit to which one can ignore slurs against them.

    Yet I reply to slurs for a more practical reason… as follows…

    @ general –

    Why do I reply? Actually I wouldn’t, as I often don’t, but for a very practical/technical reason: This is the Internet; thousands of new readers visit a page daily – and may end up with wrong ideas. Regulars know other regulars, but not everyone.

    The recent accusations about a certain paper journalist lifting content from this forum, e.g., were serious. I didn’t have time to read the whole discussion – and for a good time, I had the impression that the writer in question had “stolen” a story. Only by chance did I read her/his explanation – and I still don’t know which way the camel settled finally. What about those who quickly read the story and decided that the journalist was in error when they weren’t (I remember that being the conclusion).

    It’s nothing personal – it is about the way Internet works. Fake Orkut profiles, un-factual accusations, putting words in people’s mouths – is it right? There should be a way to monitor it.

    Why is Adnan allowed to tarnish people’s reputations? Why is anyone allowed trigger-happy journalism?

    I advocate use of more careful attitude – from the post about JPMC to the Daily Times copying CNN to the mass-mail about Essaji lab. I also don’t pass on SMS’s about boycotts – I passed by HotSpot the next day after the rumor about their food being virus-infected – and their shop was EMPTY. They get 100’s if not 1000’s of customers a day.

    That is the kind of damage a complete lie can cause.

    What we do in well intention can hurt others – and journalists MUST CHECK FACTS to the best of ability before making posts. I believe blogs to be serious journalism.

    For instance, at one point Adnan alleged something like “Jang Employees attack other publications” – referring to me and Omar – and I had to refute him with reminding that I actually *defended* Daily Times on the very thread where I was tilted the queen.

    But Adnan never corrected himself nor expressed regret. Interestingly, I am not a Jang employee, I am self-employed since 2005; yet I don’t wish to get my ex-employer’s related company tainted in my name.

    I was titled “queen” by a reader b/c I kept reminding IllusionFS that the thread amounted to libel – and I did this because I once received a copyrights violation notice myself for using “Got Brains” in the subject of a post @ KMB. I didn’t want Illusion to get a notice – I mentioned the copyright notice thing on the thread too.

    My crime was that I bothered, and that I gave information about how media works, not guesswork in that thread. I work with media and I shared info about how wires work which probably came across as arrogant to some. What can one say?

    This whole blogging and commenting business has to be taken seriously. Because blogs, including KMB, themselves claim that 1000’s of people read and believe them. Readers on this and other leading blogs say they turn here for news. Strong research world-wide suggests that blogs spread like wildfire…

    Therefore blogs can create a better atmosphere if they moderate discussions and make sure that all can comment without being personally attacked. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ARGUING A POINT – the problem is when people avert discussions by delving into private, unrelated matters.

    No human is a saint; we can always find skeleton if we open closets – which is strictly prohibited in all moral system of each faith. Everybody including saints and Prophets lived with bad families, bad employers, bad neighbors, bad cities, half-baked systems. Most reader here live under a govn they don’t support – we are all liable to 10 sins a day. Will we make criminals out of everyone?


  7. Ramla (unregistered) on March 11th, 2007 @ 11:34 pm

    I remember on PakPositive specials blog, I made a post about how my then-employer represented Pakistan on a global forum, and did a great job vis-a-via India.

    http://www.pakpositive.com/opinion/specials/2005/03/we-will-we-will-rock-you.html

    The post was made to share with the public the research we did to highlight the role of Pakistan – and the opportunity existing in “bottom of the pyramid” market – vis-a-vis elitist marketing. It was a very important research that I shared to empower others with information we all should have about Pakistan.

    And then, a lady attacked the company on an unrelated issue. Actually, she was someone whom I had turned down for employment – previously she had worked as intern in Jang and expected herself qualified. I turned down b/c she deserved a full employment, while I was inviting interns.

    It was a trilemma for me because:

    1/ The post’s intention was to share our research with Pakistani public – so that our nation can get facts on what is Pakistan’s potential as a South Asian market. The South Asian Business Conference is usually completely India-dominated. I wanted to also share that a Pakistani company – Geo TV – actually did research to present Pakistan’s case and the case of the market of the poor.

    2/ I didn’t want to create an opportunity to threaten my employer’s reputation, nor wanted to threaten my employment. Blogging was rare those days; Orkut was new; and I was not sure if it was ok to let my employer be shot at. PakPositive was popular, and I didn’t like the lady’s attempt to use the comments section to malign the company.

    3/ It was unethical to reveal to the forum that she was avenging her being turned down for employment – I knew this because she had chased me on Orkut and any other place possible.

    Fortunately, PakPositive intervened by taking out the name of my employer from the post and removing the entire comment thread. The thread showing there now is of another post.

    Epilogue:
    Interestingly, a couple of months ago – the lady in question joined the company whose “policies she disagreed with”. Talk about intentions.

    The Harvard South Asian Business conference is now “India Conference.” While we were sleeping…

    I still remain amusedly shocked at how – just to avenge her ownself – this lady made sure she’d avert attention away from the real thing: PAKISTAN’S POTENTIAL AS A SOUTH ASIAN MARKET. THE POTENTIAL OF A MARKET FOR THE POOR.

    —-
    *THIS* is why I reply. This is why I don’t give up. This is why I share any info I have – I am not perfect; I only want to share what I learn through an imperfect medium.

    This is why, it is my sincere wish that Adnan would not use his kind of language because I am perfectly willing for a discourse with him and anyone else. It is not a time for discord, it is a time when we must unite.

    I think we are living in important and dangerous times. I am tense because I am worried – and it upsets me, as it does any sensitive person – that we are involved in petty issues when we have a *duty* to take charge of the situation. We can’t dwell on dreams and wishes when the situation of our country is threatened from within and without.

    It is my plea that kick me or slap me – but remain focused on the fact that we have to solve the issues around us. We have to denounce crime with hands, tongues, and hearts. We have to register our protests. We have to use all means of communication to reach out and connect together to work together. We have to WORK, not DREAM.

    Books will not do it, words will not do it, past will not do it. WE HAVE TO CREATE THE FUTURE BY TAKING A POSITIVE COURSE OF ACTION IN THE PRESENT.


  8. Ramla (unregistered) on March 11th, 2007 @ 11:48 pm

    I may have mixed two things up:

    Bloggers as journalists – need to fact check – be responsible.

    Comments which become a good part of the blog – esp on KMB, comments are a very strong part of the experience. At ANY blog of note where comments are published and taken seriously, it is NOT ok to allow infactual information to remain published. If it does, it’s natural that one would want to clear their name – wise or not, but natural.

    Yes, it can happen a few times that a non-fact is presented – we are not Omniscient – but to persistently tarnish people’s image intentionally – to not allow for a conversation to flow – to become threatening and abusive – to test others patience – it is too much.

    Enough said about blogs. My end note is the offer of peace in the post above.

    Thanks for bearing with me, Mansoor & others.


  9. original-anon (unregistered) on March 12th, 2007 @ 7:34 am

    Ramla, point taken; I wasn’t thinking from a journalistic perspective.
    If I see this blog as a microcosm of Pakistan, then I indeed see a bleak future.I am bothered by how quick we are to point fingers at others, how much happiness we derive from others’ failures, whether they be true or false; as in the journalist’s case, she had clearly said she was writing a story about the topic of the blog post and yet, everyone was branding her a thief. And, even worse, another important issue (the disappearnace of the structures) was lost in the self-importance of the KMB bloggers; because rather than talk about the issue, they were jumping up and down about how their idea was copied.
    So yes, you did well to speak up for the issues you believe in.
    Right now, the country is facing a crisis, and yet, the KMB is again more caught up in how they are the first, the most vocal, the most passionate.
    Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now. And a good night to you.


  10. mansoor (unregistered) on March 12th, 2007 @ 10:46 am

    ramla: well said~! the comments section cannot be used for misleading other readers into thinking other things…

    and thankyou for taking the time out to set the record straight.


  11. Ramla (unregistered) on March 12th, 2007 @ 8:43 pm

    @ Original & Mansoor

    Thanks; actually the time Wamiq – who has never meddled with me, so I believe he means me no harm – said that I “act like a queen” – I did give a thought to what he said.

    Because being habitually inoffensive, if *he* felt that, there has to be merit in it. Perceptions are fact in themselves – what people feel about us matters, and if Wamiq and others felt that way, I have to check if I can communicate better and not lose my message in the way it’s communicated.

    So I did stay away from the blog for a few weeks. Yet I enjoy being here as the only Internet-based KHI community I know of, so I come here and participate.

    However, I will look over my comments again, and see how I can communicate ideas better. I do note that I use a lot of “I’s” – but my reasoning was that it is a way to say that “it’s my opinion – and not necessarily representative of others.” As Chomsky said, many people act as if their ideas are universal, and hence use language to tyrannize others. That’s what I try to avoid.

    But I guess on the one-dimensional Internet it comes it sounding the opposite way. I’ll look into an alternative, better way of communicating. Thanks.


  12. Shahbaz (unregistered) on March 14th, 2007 @ 12:01 pm

    Mian Mansoor i tend to agree with you wht you pointed out was clear n through to everyone but we have we ever tried soemthing to stop a single person doing or staring any women or girl like????i think NO because i’ve seen thousands of people who in fact enjoys the scene and pleased themselve!!why cant we stood up right at the moment and smack aur pull out those who do this….I did ths so often not because m a hero or a gangster per karna parhta hai chahe aise chahe waise!!kyunke Hukoomat ne na kabhi kuch kia hai na karegi aur awam moun takti rehti hai to khud kuch karlo na bhai


  13. mansoor (unregistered) on March 14th, 2007 @ 12:18 pm

    shahbaz: its enough you do it on ur own than make everyone else do it. atleast that’ll be one pair of eyes less which will be oggling. Good that you do it too.. lets hope someday, this catches up.


  14. wasiq (unregistered) on March 18th, 2007 @ 3:36 am

    THANKYOU LORD FOR THIS AMAZING TRIUMPH

    http://cricketworldcup.indya.com/scores/html/live/inba1703.html

    can anybody tell me why i did not ask for an ATM last sunday….?????

    BTW,the bullish may seem a little bearish here but that means nothing….the holy grail is still intact



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