Tell me, what is wrong with the people at Standard Chartered bank? Why can they not respect a customer’s privacy?! Do they have no ethics to follow?
My office-waalahs made me open up a salary account there recently, despite the fact that I have a perfectly useable account at UBL.
For the record, I’ve never applied for loans, or credit cards. I’d rather make do with whatever little money I get at the end of the month, than go into debt and end up paying through my nose in interest. Nevertheless, I got a call from the bank today — on my cellphone, no less. Here’s how it went:
Nervous Customer Services Representative (NCSR): ummm..Assalamualaikum?
Me: jee walaikumas salam?
NCSR: May I speak to Ms Urooj Zia, please?
Me: aap ki tareef?
NCSR: I’m calling from the Standard Chartered bank! *His tone of voice sounded more like he was announcing a lottery winning.*
Me: … and your point is?
NCSR: ummm … do you have an account here? *goes back to nervous hemming-and-hawing*
Me: Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Why do you need to know?
NCSR: ummm … our records show that you have an account here.
Me: Tou phir why in hell’s name are you ASKING me if I have an account there?
NCSR: Woh … I was confirming…
NCSR: *coughs* We … uh … have a promotion … a loan that you can get…
Me: *cutting him off* On the account-opening form, did I say you could call me on my cellphone about promotions and shit?
NCSR: … umm … yes..?
Me: Are you SURE?!
NCSR: uhh … no you didn’t… but we have a promotion!
Me: I know you’ve a job to do, so I’ll hear you out. Make it quick.
NCSR: Your salary is Rs so-and-so.
Me: WHY do you know that?!
NCSR: *ignores question* Are you on contract or are you a permanent employee?
NCSR: Then you’re eligible for Rs whatnot as a loan!!!
Me: What’s the interest rate.
NCSR: Only 9.3%!!! And you can pay it back over five years!!! We’ll deduct the amount from your salary!!!
Me: NINE POINT THREE FRIKKIN’ PERCENT?!?!?!
NCSR: YES! ONLY 9.3%!!!
Me: YOU’RE calling ME up to tell ME that YOU’RE giving me a LOAN that I don’t WANT at NINE POINT THREE FRIKKIN PERCENT?! Are you out of your MIND?!?!?!
NCSR: ummm… payable over five years …
To people from Standard Chartered: RESPECT YOUR CUSTOMERS’ PRIVACY, RETARDS! I do NOT — I repeat: I do NOT — feel comfortable with idiots at your call centre knowing how much I earn per month. I do NOT like getting unsolicited calls about your shitty “promotions.” I do NOT want your money. LEAVE … ME … ALONE!!! IDIOTS!!!
No, seriously, aren’t there ANY laws against this? What does the State Bank have to say about such practices?