i am a man observing fast…
ramadan, they say, is the most blessed month of the year. a time for peaceful worship and self restraint. a time to avoid, among other things, anger, rage and fighting. so they say. but then, when has karachi ever conformed to anything?
there is an old adage to the effect that most sardars go mad at the instant the clock strikes twelve. having known only one sikh my whole life – a very sane one i might add – i cannot testify to the veracity of that statement. however, i do know several karachiites who go mad round about iftar time.
i’m sure you know some too. they drive cars.
one of the easiest ways to die in our lovely city is to venture out of your home on to major road a few minutes before the sirens start blaring to signal the iftar. the way the traffic moves at the time is similar to the scenes you see on cinema screens right after the crowds have seen godzilla emerging from round the corner. and everyone who so much as moves an inch during that time contributes to the mess. of the various types of peaceful muslim brothers and sisters, which of the following best fits your profile?
the madcap schumacher: this is the driver who floors his accelerator and doesn’t let off till (a) he reaches wherever he was trying to go, or (b) he hits a brick wall. these guys are responsible for the 94,761 side-view mirrors broken each day of ramadan in karachi. they normally stick to the right side of the road, press their horns as hard as they press their accelerators and you can be excused for thinking that they’re merely trying to break the sound barrier.
the random roadblocker: this is the guy who sincerely believes that he is the only one in the city who happens to be fasting and as such he has the right to stop his vehicle any damn place he feels like – even the centre track on university road – while he calmly sets about the process of doing his iftaree. this often involves stepping out of the car, buying dates and maybe a glass of juice and consuming them. this type of driver is liable to express extreme incredulity if you happen to toot your horn to try and get him out of your way and will probably start a discussion with the people around him about how the world is going to the dogs because people have stopped fasting and caring about people who fast.
the nervous navigator: this type is simultaneously the most sane and yet most irritating of the lot. usually middle aged women or old men, these drivers spend most of iftar time negotiating slowly around the random roadblockers while avoiding the madcap schumachers – thereby ensuring that the one safe lane on the road is also blocked. not only do they manage to miss their own iftaree, they try and ensure that you do too.
the enraged shouter: these types emerge after the asr prayers and stay on the road till iftar. they’re everywhere, ready to jump out of their cars and start shouting and screaming if you so much as overtake them when they’re not expecting it. the fact that we as karachiites normally deal with fires by charging in with cans of petrol does not help matters much and so these drivers normally manage to ensure a full fledged fight one of every three times they start shouting and cursing. much as i hate to admit it, this type of driver is predominantly male.
the jaywalking pedestrians: these humble servants of god truly believe that their only way to salvation – and yours to perdition – is to die beneath your car wheels as they dart across the roads without any indication whatsoever. the power of their faith ensures that they normally survive while it’s the drivers who slam their brakes and get into pileups. these kind souls normally have the gall to freely converse with others on how all drivers seem to go nuts when they’re fasting.
these are but five of the stereotype denizens of our concrete jungle. i would say a lot more about them but backbiting and cursing will disrupt my fast…
awesome!
amazing post! WELL DONE! Right on the money!
very well written!
Xill, finally an interesting post from your side after so many days.
GREAT WORK M. AKRAM
what author of this post and Akram wrote btw :O
very well written.
it hurts though
ah yes the enraged shouter!! damn i hate them :p
I couldnt stop smiling to myself while reading this.It’s sad but very true.
Well-written, I must say!
~ khuda karey zor-e-byaan aur zyada …
very well analyzed and written
simply great
Haha Xill-e-Ilahi, i was memorizing all the paranoids that i see daily while reading this post!
very true
Seems like we do EHSAN on other when fasting –
Bless you XILL
How very passive aggressive.
thank you guys.
Just observe the contrasting scenes half an hour before and after Iftaar.
Half an hour before the sirens ppl are willing to risk their and others lives in the mad rush to reach home for Iftaar.
Half an hour after, a calm prevails, aazmaish is over, stomachs switch from idle to hyper processing mode, and for a while there is silence only to be broken by sounds of burps emanating from every blessed house hold. In the words of Faiz;
Rahatein aur bhee hein wasl kee rahat key siwa
Xill congrats on a very well written satire.
Indeed, very well written and expressed.
So real too :)
:) A very well written post. I can’t wait to be in Karachi and drive. Looking forward to experience all this at the end of this year (Inshallah).
this is all illetracy and bein ignorant…..u know i sincerely believe each of these ppl who do this shud b send to middle-east or some other country …..when they do this there they will get a kick up their ignorant ASS…..then only r ppl in karachi will know how to live….im glad im outta karachi ..it was nothing less than a toilet to me…..people suck, gov sucks infact everything sucks coz ppl r too selfish to make a change n will do wht they feel like as if karachi un ke baaap ka hai…..karachi city of shitholes!!!!!
this is all illetracy and bein ignorant…..u know i sincerely believe each of these ppl who do this shud b send to middle-east or some other country …..when they do this there they will get a kick up their ignorant ASS…..then only r ppl in karachi will know how to live….im glad im outta karachi ..it was nothing less than a toilet to me…..people suck, gov sucks infact everything sucks coz ppl r too selfish to make a change n will do wht they feel like as if karachi un ke baaap ka hai…..karachi city of shitholes!!!!!