Should public toilets charge fee for using the service?
Loading …Whats the trend all over the world? Where its charged and where its free. I have no clue but i readers input could be valuable.
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Can’t believe that most of the people are OK with paying the fee…
me too
lol
Paying for it helps! Singapore / Malaysia enforce it, and that’s good too since the facilities are usually clean. The UK has pay-per-use facilities at mainline train stations. This kind of ‘tax’ is a rarity, but it sure does help paying for a dedicated cleaner.
In the west (USA,UK and EU) the trend is somewhat mixed. In some places you have to pay, in some places you may tip the attendend and in some places the facility is absolutely free. However, the trend to keep the facility clean and in hygenic condition is uniform everywhere and is achieved irrespective of who has to pay for it.
Long time back I went to a night club in Paris where one had to pay to use the rest room. The charge for one visit to their rest room was much higher than the cost of one glass of beer that they served and mind you that was fairly expensive too. It made me wonder if the establishement was making more money from their bar or from their rest room operations :-)
in UK it depends on where the facility exists and the company incharge with it. Usually, we have to pay 30 pence to use the facilities in Train stations and in famous tourist locations.
Kabirdas: I guess the bar was making all the money because of the bar. More the people drank, more they needed to go to the toilet.
Karachi did have public rest rooms. I remember using one around Patel PaaRaa (on Qazi Nazr-ul-Islam Road, now Business Recorder Road) as a kid. It was pretty dirty and the still remember the nasty smell there.
I think it is a good idea to have pay-as-you-go toilets in Karachi for men and women both. But, then our people are so filthy that even after paying for it (or perhaps especially because they are paying for it) they will make a mess. Just try using bathrooms in the Forum Mall. One of my visits to the mall, I had to go answer nature’s call …and boy oh boy, it was so dirty that I told the driver to drive as fast as possible, jaisay peechhay chuRail lag gayee ho, and get me home before Balma has an accident.
Well, in my case only the bar made the money. Once I came to know the cost of peeing I immediaely switched over from beer to vodka with minimum amount of water:-) The money thus saved was promptly invested by me back into their bar operations :-)At the end whatever peeing I had to do I did at road side like many other Parisians which is not an uncommon sight late at night in close proximity of a drinking joint even in the heart of Paris:-) Mind you this was when Aatish jawan tha and had a strong healthy bladder :-) Now in a similar situation Aatish probobaly will use the bar for both purposes:-) Aatish will still not go to a rest room by paying more than the cost of the drink :-) That is not fair and not acceptable to him:-)
Nuskhaa-e-keemya: shaam may ba(aha)r jaanaa hoe, tou doe-peher kay baad paani kaa rozaa rakh lo.
@ balma on October 27th,
An excellent ‘nuskha’ I must say. And surprising thing is that it did not occur to me. This way one can easily beat the system of the Paris club of minting money through not only their bar but also through their rest rooms operations.
Wah kea baat hooi yani pani ka adha roza bhee rakh lia aur bar bhee ho aay without a visit to the loo. The nuskha is so simple that only a genius could have thought of it. I am not too sure but will it also mean : rind kay rind rahay aur hath say (let us say partially)jannat bhee na gai. I suppose I will have to consult some Aalam-e-din about this masla. As a matter of fact Balma, I am quite prepared to acknowledge you as an Aalam-e-din and accept your Fatwa in this rgard.
Can we have a similar poll on identifying why these 230 visitors dont leave a single comment on many of the blogs?
@ calyps on October 28th.
The reason for this is simple. Writing comments needs more effort, more time and perhaps in some cases more brain than they have as well :-)or simply they have better things to do in life than write comments.
However, we can have a poll to find out why some people write so many comments on so many blogs. I don’t mean any one in particular except me. Ho roo-e-sukhan kissi ki taraf to roo siah.
Kabirdas,
I don’t know, and chhoTaa mounh baRee baat, I do think I am an Aalim and will be glad to give my opinions (fatwas) in future.
btw, what you said about rind/janat etc…we can also say ‘aik ticket may dou mazay’ ;-)
I am totally pissed. How did we get hooked up with Afghanistan? Why are we being lumped together with the juhulaa of Afghanistan? Kavaa chalaa hans kee chaal, apnee chaal bhee bhool gayaa. For decades, Pakistani idiots tried to associate themselves with the Middle East, and now we got the worst. common jirgaas, blah blah blah… our destiny is not with stupid Budzaat Afghans (as Jahangir referred to them in his verses).
I am getting sick and tired of this talk about (like today’s) common destiny, common approach, taliban to respect both constituitions blah blah blah…fuck these idiots..stupid fuck karzai and stupid asshole Abdullah Square (fucker’s parents couldn’t even name their son in educated way). Put a fence, and lets have nothing to do with the idiots in Afghanistan.
If Pakistan has to associate with any country (since we have such a low self respect), then it should be India. I rather have India and Pakistan together in one sentence, than Afghanistan and Pakistan…akh thoo!
@Balma you just hit the nail on the head!
Serious identity crisis. I for one could relate more to people in Bombay then a Afghan “kachray-wala”. The problem with the government is not policies but priorities. As far as I identify myself in the federation, I see myself as a “Mohajijr” with a big M instead of a small one.
Coming back to the topic
Public toilets are a menace and stink to death. The lavatory is not confined to a proper bathroom but it is no crime to pee in open places near walls. To avoid such happening the idiotic lines can be see written on walls which start with an abuse?
??.. Kay Bachay Yaha.n Paishab karma mana hai?
?Who Daikhu Gadha Paishab Kar Raha hai.?
This kind of wall chalking gives a mental sickness to person who is to travel through these corners everyday. There should be a law to eliminate these happening if there is a proper bathroom place nearby. Making public toilets is not a big deal but also maintaing them by provding them with accessories and firstly the cleaning and washing system on regular basis. The check system of availability of water and sanitation is also very important.
Also I have observed that paid toilets are taken a little more care than free serving toilet places. This things also lead to violate to use toilet services. And I also do have ran out from pathetic, stinking, puking bathrooms in Islamabad. And now I am public toilet fobiac especially when I see signs like “Bait ul Khula“.
@ balma on October 28th.
Yes, you seem to be totally pissed :-) Now whatever you have said does make sense except that it does not say whether public toilets should or shouldn’t charge for using the facility.
@ balma on October 28th
Sorry mate for my previous post. Now I see the connection between what you wrote about Afghanistan and the topic under discussion. I reckon you were implying that Afghanistan should be used like a public toilet by Pakistan without any payment and American should be entrusted the responsibility to keep it clean.
By the way you would like to join hands with India. Not a bad idea. But the question is would India like to join hands with us. If they did they will for ever regret and curse whosoever first floated the idea of Akhand Bharat. We are lucky that we still have some suppoert from the west and that is more because of our nuisance value than anything else.
@ barristerakc on October 28th
Whenever I see ‘Baitul Khulla’ written on public toilets in Islamabad it reminds me of a joke. A real joke meaning I have not made it up.
In Karachi I had a friend whose wife was an English Medium Type (EMT). Once I was in their house when they also had another guest also who was an Urdu Medium Type (UMT). After some time this UMT guy wanted to go to the loo. So he very politely said that he would like to go to Baitul Khula. This EMT lady said without a second thought: " How nice to hear that. When you are there please pray for us as well. "
LOL. That’s hilarious! I still remember one of the Anwar Maqsoods dialogues when someone inquires about someone’s capability to speak English the answer from one of the characters was, “ Urdu tu buhat achay bolta hai – yaqeenan English aatee ho gee” .
I hate EMTs and Burgers – magar yaar phir Mustansar Hussain Tarrar yaad aatay hain jab unhooo nay kaha kay “bhai, angrazee kay doo alfaz na bolo tu loog jahil samajtay hain” prorably the biggest tragedy of our society.
Well, I guess over a period of time various words have gained currency in our language, which is so much about adab-aadaab, and various words have become extinct.
For example, word paikhana was ok to be used but then it became a no no word. Bait-ul-Khulla is bit too saqeel even for me, but now everyone says bathroom. I actually prefer toilet so that ‘mud’daa’ vaazih ho jaayae…yaani logo’n ko six/five may Daalnay kee kyaa zaroorat hae.. toilet jaanaa hae, nahaanaa nahi’n hae.
another word is chootaR….quite common a while ago, but no one even says it these days…forget about it in writing. If anyone has read haatim taai as a kid, they will rememebr this word was even used in writing. Now, the only reference is koolaah…and so on.
I think this discussion is independent of stupid burgers. My feeling about burgers is that they can’t form a single sentence in English, and since they have bad English skills, they sprinkle english words in Urdu sentences. English hamaaray ghar kee launDee hae since way before the 1857 war. But, none of us have ever neglected our Urdu skills.
Regarding the lumping of Pakistan with Afghanistan, again I rather be lumped with the region which has some culture. I also don’t want to give up my claim on hundreds of years of Indian Muslim civilization. My link is with that civilization, not with Afghanistan or iran, regardless of my racial mix. These mardoods like Hamid gul and others of his type have hijacked Pakistan for their idiotic agendas.
In the end, baqaul shaair: her gaam peh gumaa’n hae, manzil yehee tou hae!
@ balma on October 28th, 2008 @ 7:17 pm
Balma,
You may not be an be an Aalim since that rquires wearing of a big Pagri, Bermuda Shalwar, free flowing beard and Kajil in the eyes. Do you have such a behroop(guise)of an Aalim? However, after your Nuskha-e-Kemia I am so impressed by you that I am almost willing to accept as my Hstad and keen to learn few tricks of the trade by you.
Balma, do not underestimate yoursef. Your Nuskha proposes aik ticket maiN not dou but teen mazays; rind kay rind rahay, jannat kay bhee hakdar ho gay aur toilet kay kharchay ki bhee bachat ho gai :-) That’s what qualifies you as an Ustad; aik ticket maiN teen mazay.
@ barristerakc on October 29th.
1. I am not familier with this term ‘Burger’. Can you please educate me about it. Thanks.
2. I do not hate EMTs. They are such good fun to observe :-)
@ barristerakc on October 29th
Now here is another one just like the one and I promise you this one is also not made up by me. This actually happened in the presence of so many people.
This is about another close friend of mine whose wife was also an EMT (she had lived in UK most of her life). It was the period of Gen Zia’s rule. We were all sitting in this friend’s place. Suddenly as happens we started talking about Gen Zia. One of us informed the rest that he had read an article by some one who knew Zia well. This guy says that whenever Zia travelled he carried a lota with him for Astanga. We all started laughing after hearing this except this EMT lady. After our laughter subsided she turned round to her husband and asked: Darling what is an Astanja?? We again started laughing this time at her question. She again turned round to her husband and repeated the same question. The poor husband this time just blushed and said: Dear, I will explain it to you later.
Definition of a “burger” varies – I think the term was created by Omer Sharif and is referred to “wannabes” – let me add a popular line “kay har burger bhe kabhi bun kabab tha”
That’s interesting stories!
It reminds me three four things –
I) Benazir Bhutto’s mix of sindhi/urdu accent was bizarre. So she was addressing a large procession back in “THATTA” and said something like
“YEH MERA *TATT’AA HAI – YEH APP KA TATT’AA HAI – YEH HUM SUB KA TATT’AA HAI” instead of THATTA just imagine! LOL
II) There was this student back in Birmingham University from Hyderabad Deccan, India who spoke a bizarre language whom we always used to pick on – one day we went up to his place and instead of saying “app bhatiyay” he said,
“GAND TIKA’YAY” – I thought it’s a bloody joke but it turned out that there’s a whole community who spoke Telgum and lives around AP who uses such words !
cont………!!!!
@ barristerakc on October 29th, 2008 @ 10:20 pm
1. Thanks for explaing the term Burger to me. I will remember this now.
2. The two jokes were absolutely hilarious.
I don’t think Telgu has words like gaa*d. It is more like a north Indian and Panjabi term. this guy was probably trying to be funny with you guys, otherwise Hyderabadis don’t talk in that language. They have stupid accents, but language is pretty respectfull. On the other hand, due to influx of lots of people from rural areas to Hyderabad, no one knows who is Hyderabadi and who is not.
Talking of gaa*D again, I was told by a bihari guy that his grand mother often used gaa*D instead of koolah. It was not a bad word for them.
And, of loTaas… I carry a big size water bottle for hotels and travels etc. Funny thing happened few days ago when a cute nihaayat tight babe, perhaps a traveler on another flight, noticed this bottle in my bag during secruity procedures. She said ..oh, how nice you carry your own bottle….like I was some green peace or environmental dude.
And, I thought, kambakhat maaree ko nahi’n maaloom keh iss botal kaa maqsad kee hae!
kaaghaz and paani. We should train our new nasal for this. I have no fascination about touching crap with hand, and still prefer using water for final finishing touches…tabeeyat mae aik sukoon saa hotaa hae. Vernah aik tashnagee see baaqi rehtee hae…ha ha ha
vaah use of thsi word tashnagee for this is quite inappropriate, but funny….I think I am an aalim. I don’t need a behroop, and I am more educated than most mullahs so I feel I am qualified to give fatwaas. It is that simple.
@kabirdas on October 28th, 2008 @ 7:13 pm
Its interesting to see that only 4 – 5 people have posted comments compared to 261 votes. I guess the reason most of the people dont reply is not because they dont have time and its because they are tired of listening to PPP vs MQM, stupid irrelevant discussions (such as one above) or the quality of blogs written.
(Although this might be a bad influence but I am sure in the times of bloody depression and after work we need to relax – I apologize in advance for the terminologies used)
An Bihari GANPAT-RAI (who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher, Colonel Smith.
Col.Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai) !!
Bihari: Nahi sir, jyada nahi!!
Col. Smith: Kya ‘jyada nahi’ bolta hai, tumhara application me likha Hua hai Gand fat rahai.
Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga.
Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)??
Bihari : Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!!
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo, kya ‘kabhi kabhi’ bolta hai? Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai.
Bihari : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marta honga.The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith’s family asks him to do.
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!!
Ganpatrai : Ji maalik.
Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai
Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar
Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)…baad mein hamaari biwi ko chodenga…aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga.
Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta.
Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega.
Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare.
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga. Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ….jo hukum. After a few days There is no one except
Yaar with due respect to Biharis (and my wife is one and my nani’s side)
PUBLIC MESSAGE:
bhayoon, biharioon mein shadi nahi kerna!
@calyps mate, it’s to do with the quality of posts..! i saw a 180 reply post discussion on a political post – the problem is with the darn blogers!
Girl: molvi sab i m in love.
Molvi: Nauzubilah, Astagfirula, Laholwala kuwat, Toba, Toba…….. .
Girl: No molvi sab……… ..I am in love with u………
Molvi: MashaAllah, JazakAllah, SubanAllah, Whaa, Whaa……..
prorably irony of the nation too! g’night…
jaisa topic waisay comments…full of shit
Kabir Das laments about the state of our public toilets and wonders about following questions:
1. We believe ‘ Sifai nisaf Iman hay’. How come then the our public toilets are invariably so filthy?
2. Would our toilets have been in worse state or better state of cleanliness had sifai been full Iman instead of nisf Iman?
3. Is the state of our toilets somehow a reflection on the state and strength of our Iman?
4. How come the toilets in the West are ketpt so clean when cleanliness has got nothing to do with their Iman?
Last night when the power went off I picked up the ‘The Pleasures of Philosphy’ by Will Durant and started flipping through its pages in the candle light. In the chapter titled ‘The Reconstruction of Character’ I came across following line which I found rather interesting:
" Keep your bowles open and your mouth shut; this is the gamut of wisdom."
This led me to think, in the candle light, that a toilet may indeed be a good place to think for a while when you are there. But then, of course, the toilet must be clean to be able to think healthy in parallel with your other healthy activity. This also brought to my mind the following anecdote which I haeard many years ago.
One guy, a high up in Indian government, told another guy, also a high up in Indian government, that he does most of his thinking when he is in the toilet. [I have forgotten their names now]. The second guy retorted: No wonder your ideas stink.
I also do some of my thinking in my bathroom when I am shaving. I hope my such thoughts are devoid of the ill effects of their place of origon and dvelopment. That is why I endevour to keep my bathroom absolutely clean to obliterate any of its adverse effects on my thinking. These days I do most of my thinking during dark hours which are aplenty. That is why I have started thinking so much lately. I wonder if the gloom of my thoughts is because of their generation during these dark hours or because of the surrounding darkness engulfing us gradually and reminding us of the medieval dark ages.
Balma:
I would like to invite your attention to the post titled ‘Whose war is it’ which has been under discussion for some time now in IMB. The reason I am drawing your attention to this is that your time is time and again being mentioned by this bigot who goes by the name of Iunknown. He keeps repeating that kabirdas, balma, sceptic and kaami are one and the same person.
barristerakc on October 29th, 2008 @ 11:51 pm
You are talking of a 180 comments post? I will like to invite your attention to a 354 comments post in which more than comments are of yours truly, kabirdas. The topic of the original post was ‘Evolution versus Revolution’ which turned into a heated and acrymonius discussion between the writer of this post and me. The writer of this post Dr Raza Haider writes English like professors of philosphy. I was telling him to write simple English as advised by Bertrandad Russell which can be ‘understanded’ by every one. To visit this site you may click:
http://www.pakspectator.com/evolution-versus-revolution-by-dr-razahaider/#comment-89230
Tariq Khanani (tariqkhanani) on October 30th
Sorry, to hear that hamaray comments say aap ki nazak mazagi ko thase phunchi hay. Sir, what do you think hypocracy or honesty is the best policy??
@ barristerakc on October 29th
It is not fair to single out poor Biharis for a minor fault in their language.
MY PUBLIC MESSAGE
Bhaio mary suno to shadi kabhi bhee aur kissi say bhee na karna warna puchtao gay.
@ kabirdas on October 30th, 2008 @ 1:50 pm
Since I have a soft corner for Biharis I would like to add to my above public message: not even with a Baharan. The reworded message now shoud read as follows:
Bhaio mary suno to shadi kabhi bhee aur kissi say bhee na karna warna puchtao gay not even with a Baharan.
@ balma on 29 Oct
The mere fact that you are not a Mulla means you are more educated than them.
Mind you I feel you may be even much more educated than most Aalim-e-Din who appear on TV and talk lot of non sense. However, your fatwas will not carry the same weight as theirs since if you don’t have the behroop of an Aalim. In this world you also have to be a Behroopia in any field in which you want to succeed —-yeh dakhe kabira roia !!
is it me or the guy (kabirdas) is just talking to himself …. loner
@Balma, I second you on the need to use “toilet papers”. Speaking of Airlines – most of the airlines carrying pashtuns had to close there lavatories before the desired destination.
@kabirdas,
I) THE literature majors are a useless bunch. I don’t know why they ever use Shakespearian language instead of the easy-plain text which everyone could understand.
II) BIHARIS on a serious note are the most clever lot – good in studies although one of the most stubborn people around.
Kabirdas bhai, I don’t have time to go to IMB, but thanks for the update. If IUNKNOWN wants kushti, he has to come to my akhaaRaa (KMB). These days I am into poetry, beauty, lamenting on destruction of my civilization, why o’ why we would give up our rights on India for a small place like Pakistan and other such affairs.
Vakeel: Toilet poori desi baradari kaa masaalaa hae, not just pathan dudes. I promote toilet paper combined with postprocessing with paani.
On the other hand, one reason our toilets are so dirty is because of paani all over in toilets. Few months ago I travelled extensively by trains (and some plane) in India and mostly in the most expensive class, but even there the toilets were stinky and water all over. B/w Lucknow and Dehli to and from I made sure I don’t eat a lot before the journey so wont need to sit on toilet seat. But, the trip from Hyd to Dehli was torture….24 ghantay kee tayaari thee….I mean even in the first class first tier the bathrooms are unusable. Though their trains are lovely and luxurious.
ab toilet say shaaeri kee taraf aatay hai’n:
ghaflat nah thee, tassuvvur-e-deedaar-e-yaar thaa
nazaarah-e-jamal may bhee intezaar thaa
hoo’n aalum-e-sukoo’n may keh aalum sukoo’n may hae (very powerful)
mae beqaraar thaa keh jahan beqaraar thaa
saaqi teri sharaab may yeh khaas baat thee
nashaa baqadar-e-hauslaah baadah khwaar thaa
blah blah blah
Guys I feel often times we tend to go off topic. Woudn’t it be better if we stay relvant to the issue at hand all the time notwithstanding the importance of other issues.
@ balma on October 30th
You have mentioned water all over the place in the bathrooms of even the most posh places in India. I have observed the samething here in Pakistan as well. And I know the precise reason for it also. It is because of the wazoo (ablution) that the faithfuls perform whereby they wash their feet in the wash basins.
What do you say to that. You can’t tell the faithfuls to do wazoo without washing the feet since this may put Islam into a grave danger. They have got to wash the feet, by hook or by crook, even when they may be doing the wazoo just because they happend to have passed wind.
BhaiSaheb, forget about washing feet…mae tou pooray vazoo kay hee khilaaf hoo’n.
Recently, I ended up yelling at an idiot at an international airport to stop making the floor chhup chhup in a public restroom from his vazoo exercise. He started pretending that he does not speak Urdu.
This vazoo (Pakistanis are calling it vadoo now), pisses me most.
No regard for other people. Others can slip and fall, inn kee balaa say…inn ko tou janat jaanaa hae, by hook or by crook.
Here is Allama Balma’s fatwa on vazoo:
In this day and age, when most people bath every day, vazoo is redundant.
aur bhaaiyo’n and laRkiyo’n, vazoo jin cheezo’n say tooTtaa hae, haat or moonh dhonay say voh cheezai’n juRtee nahi’n.
I think if someone passes wind (as Kabirdas says it), vazoo is not necessary.
If someone did #1 and/or #2, if they clean the area of interest, vazoo is not necessary. Yes, if someone was fixing a car, or cleaning bathroom of their house, or playing cricket then I think doing vazoo makes sense.
the bathrooms in luxury Indian trains or Forum Mall in Karachi were not dirty because of vazoo. It was because of water splashing all over from lotaa or lotaa substitutes.
EOF (end of fatwah)
wah wah!balma/kabirdas bhai lets meet up! if you guys want?
Vakeel Sahib,
Muaamulaat-e-loTaa, sher-o-shaairee, fatvaa baazi, dard-e-jaanaa’n, subh-e-deccan, shaam-e-avadh vaghairah vaghairah say fursat milay tou mulaaqaat kaa mauqaa milay. thanks for the invitation…perhaps some time in December?
@ balma on October 30th.
As I guessed you are my type of Mufti. I like your fatwa and would abide by it if I ever decided to do vazoo. If somebody objected and declared me wajab-ul-qatal I will refer them to you. Then you deal with them or they will deal with you. I will be out of it. I am already under their ataab:-)
Sometime back a friend of mine who works in the world bank in Washington told me a story how vzoo by faithuls in various bathrooms and therby splashing of water all over the place became a big issue. Infidels objected to the washing of feet in the wash basins and splashing of water all over the floor. The matter was discussed at gret length and depth except they were not told that ’sifai hamara nisaf iman hay’. Infidels were reluctant to allocate them a separare bathroom to do in there whatever they liked. This they thought may be a discriminatory act. They got round this problem by faithfuls putting up a strong demand for a separate bathroom which they readily accepted with a sigh of relief which could be heard miles away.
You may not be aware but I know it for a fact that even if you have had taken a shower you still have to go through the ritual of vazoo at the end of it to qualify to say your prayers.
Once in a Mahfal I saw a guy come out of bathroom after vazoo water dripping from his face and arms which he had spread on both sides. I asked him why didn’t he dry up with a towel. He told me drying up with a towel after vazoo is against the sunat-e-rasool. I wanted to tell him something about it but held back for fear of being lynched there and then before they said their prayers.
@ barristerakc on October 31st.
Yes, why not? BUT
Taqreeb kuchch tou bahre mulaquat chahiay
Lets wait till balma recovers from his touch of nostalgia and is ready to think of the future again whole heartedly. I feel he, finding the future too bleak, has started looking back to the past glory which is of no help to us now. We must look forward and try to make this country a fit place to live in instead of the sort of place Taliban would like to make it. We will have make it a fit place to live in through our own efforts here below rather than look around for imaginary suppoerts or invent allies in the sky.
Mufti Sahib and Kabirdas Bhai – it’s a date then!
email:akchishti@hotmail.com /on fb too!
@ Tariq Khanani (tariqkhanani) on October 30th
Sir, I would rather be a loner, which I am not, and talking to my self, which I am not, than be talking to you, which again I am not unless of course you grow up a bit—nazak mizaj.
*You may not be aware but I know it for a fact that even if you have had taken a shower you still have to go through the ritual of vazoo at the end of it to qualify to say your prayers.
****
Actually, I have read this. What can I do if the ummat (sorry, ummah) is stupid?
Vakeel Saheb.
thanks. Contact noted.
Kabirdas, it’s best to ignore Tariq Khanani – let him die his own death!
Balma / Kabir ,
Speaking of Vazu – Molana Sexy Sam aka Sami-ul-Haq in a wedding dinner of another mate who father head his faction of party in Sindh in a very casual discussion about sex – mentioned, “beta always have sex in a vazu” LOL
And since we are talking about real-life experiences allow me to take the liberty and mention couple of real-life fu** ups!
During the second tenure of Nawaz Sharif – he send a high level delegation to meet the infamous Cowasjee to influence his writings and all under the leadership of Shabaz Sharif.
Shabaz Sharif was trying to convince Cowasjee about how his brother’s government is taking steps to improve Pakistan and every time he made a point the other two with Shebaz Sharif (Mushaid Hussain Syed and Mamnoon Hussein) used to smake the dinner table as if it’s the parliament desk.
In the end – Shabaz Asks Cowasjee as what’s the first thing he would like to suggest the new government.
Cowasjee reply to Shabaz Sharif was “FIRST GET THESE TWO BHANCHUDS OUT FROM THE GOVERNMENT”
Riaz Khokar was out ambassador during the Kargil War in Washington and when Nawaz Sharif was in meeting with President Clinton in the Oval Office –
Riaz Khokar, Our Military Secretary, First Secretary and Begum Kulsoom were sitting out-side – RK/MS/FS were very tensed and embarrassed as the army asked the prime minister to give them atleast two weeks and delay the process – they were very tense.
And then emerges our Prime Minister literally jumping and have a huge smile on his face and instead of saying something else –
N.S said, “KULSOOM TAY PIZZA BUHAT CHANGAY HAIN KHA LAY” !
The on the same trip Nawaz Sharif was at JFK and requests Riaz Khokar to delay the flight – sitting in a plane costing atleast $10K-12K loss – Nawaz Sharif wanted to wait for this person who was coming – Riaz Khokar was thinking that this must be a very important person.
Then this person came-in running in a mad rush after 40-50 minutes holding couple of big bags with American Security and Riaz the ever curious looked at the person giving the bags to Nawaz Sharif and to his surprise – the bags was filled up with ALOOO AUR GOBEE KAY PARATHAY instead of the files N.S mentioned it to Riaz.
@ barristerakc on October 31st.
I am grateful to you for giving your email address. Will get back to you on the address provided. Now that you have related some good real life jokes hear this one on the subject under discussion:
HAZARDS OF USING MOBILE PHONE IN PUBLIC BATHROOMS.
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: " Hi, how are you?"
I am not the type to start a conversation in the men’s rest room but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered somewhat embarrassed: " Doin just fine!"
And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that? At that time I am thinking this is too bizarre so I say: " Uhhh, I am like you travelling !"
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question: "Can I come over?"
OK, this is just too weird for me but I figure I could be polite and end the conversation so I say: " No, —-I am a little busy right now!!!"
Then I hear the guy say: " Listen, I will have to call you back. There is an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions !!!"
@ barristerakc on October 31st.
" Kabirdas, it’s best to ignore Tariq Khanani – let him die his own death!"
I can’t. I love such guys. They add colour to life which at times tends to become bit dreary. Let him say what he wants to say and let him hear what he may not want to hear. Long live Tarq Khanani.
kabirdas- LOL as it goes, "you really saved your arse"…
reminds me of those DESI-BABA STORIES YEARS!!!!! LOL
btw, I thought Khananis are sensible and one of us since when they started to have a rotten egg? like Tariq? anyways, for the sake of Kabir – we all love you!
Vakeel Saheb,
That stupid fake maulana actually made sense a little bit. I never go close to any pretty woman without cleaning up first. Call me naazuk-mizaaj or whatever, I always want to be clean when being intimate with a woman. Doing vazu is a good first step toward cleaning ….again, if you were fixing your car first make sure you do vazu (at least) before having sex. Muslims’ tragedy: mix religion in every thing. Otherwise the buDDhaa khoosat fraudiya could have just said "baiTaa be clean when having sex"!
@ balma on November 1st, 2008 @ 9:21 am
Balma Ustad:
After reading you referenced post I think you are not much of an Ustad and an Alam-e-Din as as I thought you would be. This is evident from your statement whereby you say that you always do vazoo before you are due to meet some lady.
If you were an Aalam-e-Din you would have known all the dos and don’ts of vazoo which are numerous falling in various categories. Following them is a big hassle and not worth it even if the girl happens to be very pretty one unless of course the girl wears a Hijab and meeting in a state of vazoo is her condition. You should also know that vazoo is a fagile kind of thing which can break very eazily. So by the time you get close to your object of desire you may well not be in astate of vazoo. So under such circumstances your doing vazoo to meet a pretty girls shows you don’t know much abou the intricasies of vazoo (on which I throw some light in a short while) and as such not much of an Aalam-e-Din:-)
Now if you were an Ustad you would take a shower before meeting the girl waiting for you and not a vazoo. Thats what I would do though I don’t claim to be an Ustad.
So my advice to you would be to take a shower rather than doing vazoo befor your date. It is hassle free and not liable to go awry.
I recently picked up a booklet titled ‘Masnoon DuaieN’ from road side book stall for Rs 10 which enumerates scores of DuaieN for all ocassion. These DuaieNs have been compiled afte great deal of research by Hazrat Moulana Ashiq Ilahi Sahib Buland Shahri. I will discuss couple of these DuaieN in my next post. Here I just want to tell you that this booklet also gives all the dos and don’ts of vazoo.
Since these dos and don’ts are in Urdu I will just enumerate their headings and number in English for your info:
Vazoo kay farz: 4 in number.
Vazoo ki sunataiN: 13 in number.
Vazoo kay mustahab: 5 in nuber.
Makroohat-e-vazoo: 4 in number.
Nawakaz vazoo (things which break vazoo): 8 innumber.
Now sir, choice is yours if you will take a shower or do a vazoo before going to see your sweet heart.
You know it was because of these kind of restrictions and demands that I gave up vazoo for any thing. Reminds me of William Charles (WC :-)) Filed who once said: When I read the evils of drinking I gave up reading.
@balma – as it goes, unhygienic punani’s are a big turn-off…!!! My experience of having the pleasure to check the hygiene status of most of the birds- I found the south-American (Peru) chicks to be the dirtiest and Orientals close to perfection when it comes to hygiene.
Wasay Balma (GURU – may peace be upon you) a question: do we have to offer NAMAZ-e-SHUKRANA after a sexual intercourse? LOL
Kabirdas – prorably you picked up the infamous “MAUT KA MANZAR” instead of “VAZU KAY FAZA-IL” by Maulana Sami ul Haq – kindly, keep an eye on Sexy Sam’s aka Maulana Sami’s “HOW TO HAVE SEX – DEOBANDI WAY” manuals – I will pay anything for that for the laugh off it.
Sanghar happens to be San-Francisco of Sindh – famous/infamous for two things – homosexuality and animal abuse aka beastuality.
Some years back three-four friend there on a “HUNTING TRIP” and apparently were not lucky to get any of the birds so they retreated to this restuarent disgusted and hungry. They ate like panjus and when they asked for the bill –
The waiter said, “Saab App Ka Bill Paid Hai”
Upon enquiry the waiter pointed his fingers to the man who paid the bill – the man was a typical Sindhi with big mustaches wearing a Sindhi cap reading newspaper with sun-glasses.
The lads went up to him and asked,
“Sir app nay humara bill kyoon diya?”
The Sindhi Man Replied,
“Saa’iii humay Khoobsorati ke Qadar hai” with a grin
The lads never went to Sanghar back and considered themselves lucky to be alive!
@ barristerakc on November 1st, 2008 @ 5:33 pm
Sanghar may well be the SF of Sindh but I am told Bunoo is the SF of Pakisatan. I am told there a crow also flies with one wing—-with other wing it keeps its vunerable part of anatomy covered.
In Bunoo once someone asked a local why do you have sex with boys when you have women to have sex with. The guy replied with the most logical counter question: Why do you eat fruit when you have bread to eat????
Thanks for providing the info about the books to read.
By the way never heard of this word ‘punani’. What does it mean? Request educate.
Barristerak:
Just one more (not last) question. At the proposed ‘gathering of the eagles’ (get together)would the eagle be required to come Bavazoo or Baywazoo:-). I reckon Balma may be the right person to decide about it. He seems to know the advantages of vazoo versus shower;-)
Guys, you missed the point. All what I said was that fraudia fake Mullah Sami should have advised young men to be clean when going for ibaadat (ibadah for idiots)
Khoobsoorat aurat say milnaa bhee ibaadat hae!
We should not use the term maulana for assholes like fazlu and sammu.
They are jerks. Maulana is for people like Zafar Ali Khan (zamindar newspaper), Muhammad Ali Jauhar (Aligarh and Oxford grad). Yeh galee-mohallay keh jaali madarso’n kay paRhay huay Maulana-allama nahi’n, yeh niray mullay hai’n. Jaahil kee aulaads!
Allama Iqbal allamah thaa, phd in philosophy…allamah mashriqi allamah thaa, maths expert from cambridge.
Lets not dilute our language by calling every jahil a maulana or allamah.
We have a word for such idiots: Mullah.
Gathering of eagles: I am always in the state of vazoo. I am always clean and as I said, jin cheezo’n say vaszoo toottaa hae, vazoo karnay say voh chezai’n jooRtee nahi’n!
@ balma on November 1st, 2008 @ 9:21 am
" Muslims’ tragedy: mix religion in every thing"
Recently my curiosity got better of me and I purchased a booklet from a road side book shop costing Rs10/. It is titled Masnoon DuaiN and has been copiled by Hazrat Maulana Ashaq Illahi Sahib Buland Shahri according to him after lot of painstaking research.
There are altogether 157 DuaiN for all ocassions in this booklet. When I say all ocassions I mean all ocassions. Some of such Duas for special ocassions of which you may not be aware of are as follows:
1. Dua to be recited before the sexual intercourse with wife.
Translation : I start this job with the name of Allah. Oh, Allah save us from Satan and also keep the Satan at a distance from the child that you give us.
Commentry:
a. The Satan will never be able to harm the child that will be borne as a result of this copulation performed after reciting this Dua—–(Bukhari and Muslim).
b. This Dua must be recited since by not taking Allah’s name before copulation Satan’s sperm also gets in alongwith the sperm of the man—–(Muzahir Huq)
[It is not clear if this Dua is to be recited if the copulation is not performed with a view to procreate or when one is using a condom]
2. Dua to be recited during ejaculation.
Translation : Oh Allah don’t give anything to the Satan out of the child that you give me.
[Full marks to those who can remember to recite this or anyother Dua for that matter when ejaculating.]
3. Dua to be recited when a woman after Nikah or when an an animal is purchased.
Oh Allah, I ask you for its welfare and the goodness of its conduct and habits and I seek your protection from its mischief and the mischief of its conduct and habits.
Commentry:
After reciting this Dua one should pray for Barkat while holding the hair of the wife and if a camel has been purchased then it should be recited while holding the hump of the camel from the top——–(Mashkoh Sharif)
[The purpose of bringing home an animal or a wife seems to have some commonality]
4. Dua to be recited when dressing up.
Translation: All praise be to Allah who gave me this dress without my effort or power.
Commentry:
By reciting this Dua after dressing up all past and future sins are forgiven—–(Mashkoh)
[This is the kind of Dua I was looking for yani Haldi bhee na lagay aur rang be chokha aay. Now no body can have an excuse for not qualifying for Jannat]
NB: There are some other interesting Duas also in this collection which I would not append here because of spacetime constraint.
@ balma on November 1st, 2008 @ 9:21 pm
Agree 100% with what you have said about these Mullahs who go by the name of Maulana these days. It irks me when I hear them collectively being referred to as Ulma-e-Karam. The other so called Maulanas may be just jahils but Fazloo beside being a Jahil is absolutely a characterless person. I would call him ‘Devil’s Deciple’.
Well said : jin cheezo’n say vaszoo toottaa hae, vazoo karnay say voh chezai’n jooRtee nahi’n!. I really liked this!!
Yes, I agree – there’s a difference between a Mullah, Maulana and an Ulema. BTW, I was offered a short-cut PhD in Islamic Studies from Karachi University the other day as a reward for a “free-advice” which came in helpful for a friend’s father.
Damn, I get to hear child-molesting cases from Molvis (if they really are one? To be tagged with the title) more and more now-adays!
Kabir Mian,
Dua to be recited during ejaculation? LOL ! how many duas did I miss?err!!!
Recommend me a dua before having SEX? LOL
I am with you for making Balma a Mufti – should I start a petition? (we have to buy a blood-proof car for Hazrat Balma since IUNKNOWN escaped from Red Mosque? Remember? He could explode anytime, any moment? )
@ barristerakc on November 2nd.
1. Child molesting by Mullahs in their Hujras, Madrassas and while teaching Qurans is a common occurance. You know beside giving Aazan and leading prayers they have very little to do in life. With so much free time at their disposal and nothing else to do all they do is think about sex and put their thinking into practice whenever and however they can. Some time back I read a news item in an Urdu daily about a Mullah who got caught in his hujra having sex with a bitch. I liked the heading of this news which read as follows:
Molvi Shahab Hujray MaiN Kuttia Ko Haq-e-Zojgi Datay Howay Pakray Gay
2. I have already quoted a Dua before having sex with wife. I suppose you have asked one to be said before extramrital sex. I will have to do more research for this particular prayer. I am sure there will be such a Dua which they must have been using when having sex with Londis and Bandis. Ah, those were the days !!
3. I can see Iunknowing is once again on the lose and gunning for Balma. We will have to protect Balma from this religous lunatic. Before making Balma a mufti we will have to find a suitable name for him like : Hazrat Maulana Balma Mufti Sahab Karachivi etc
I hate to be defending religion, but because someone has too much free time to frame dua’s for almost every occasion is no fault of a religion.
It is because of these stupid ahaadees that people like wahab in arabia decided to clean up the system. That led to another type of fanaticism, but that is a different story.
Camel and aurat, only stupid people can come up with such things. abay, kabhi oo’nt kee aankh may bhee khumaar dekhaa hai….satiyaanaas ho inn mulaao’n kaa!
Dua for extramarital sex: yaa-illaahi meray gunaah-e-kabirah ko muaaf farma!