Story of The Brute of a Father.

 The hospital room is dark, the thirteen year old boy in his bed, his right eye is wrapped with a fresh bandage, his arms and face purple at different spots indicating injuries, surely in pain he looks at me with one barely open eye, and remains’ silent.

 His father, a seemingly gentleman, educated, masters in commerce, businessman by profession, seated on a chair by the bed moves his gaze from his son to greet me, with a feeble smile and warmly shaking his hands he says ” Kids these day, they get into all sorts of fights and end us, up in trouble”. A slight anger stir the calm of my face for a split of a moment, I respond him back with a stern cold look. He still thinks I don’t know the story, but I know it all in details. He slowly gets up and quietly leaves the room. A calm surfaces from the pale of his son’s face. 

 They are the relatives of my cousin’s husband. This is the third time I met this man, the first time it was on my cousin’s wedding, the second time was at a family gathering when he and I had a good talk and today in this hospital room only by chance because I happened to be with my cousin’s husband, on our way to a business meeting and this hospital just happened to be in our way.

 It was only two hours ago when we were preparing for this meeting at my cousin’s place when the phone rang. A panic struck female voice seeping from the earpiece of the telephone, “He will kill my son” followed by a short episode of whining, my cousin sensing the panic asked “what happened ?” . She replied “he is not a father, he is an executioner, he will kill his own son one day, he probably has turned him blind already”. 

 The kid had accidently shattered the LCD monitor of his father’s computer while dancing to the tune of a nursery rhyme his younger sister was listening to. Before anyone could realize what had happened his father had already started beating his son mindlessly with a rubber pipe, once done that, leaving the pipe he fished the spoon out of his morning cupper and threw it in the direction if his son.

 The spoon found it’s target on right glass of the kids spectacles. Blood started oozing out of the boy’s eye, he was immediately rushed to the hospital by his uncle. It was only by miracle that after an emergency operation the doctors were able to save the boys eye.

 It was learned that the beating for this child and his other siblings and even their mother is part of a routine in this family. Sadly for this family and countless other similar families surprisingly even in a city like Karachi, there is no real support from neither the society nor the family, and in such an environment even seeking legal aid for such a women on her own  becomes absolutely out of question. 

 The need is not to feel sorry for this poor kid, but to recognize the issue, acknowledge it and work towards solutions. 

23 Comments so far

  1. MB (kar_munib) on December 31st, 2008 @ 1:35 am

    WHAT THE ****

    IS HE AN ANIMAL or what, sorry to say

  2. Jamash (jamash) on December 31st, 2008 @ 1:59 am

    Oh don’t be, he is a heartless #$#%%%…. Surely deserved worst then those words.

    BTW what I found out later is that he (the father) was crying and hitting him self while the kid was being operated, what I figured out and have also advised the family is, that the guy really needs psychiatric help which I hope he gets.

  3. pkman on December 31st, 2008 @ 5:05 am

    I hope that the family will help the father and make sure that he does not hurt this child or any other children in the future.

  4. human01 on December 31st, 2008 @ 8:03 am

    Really sad but as you said, its not unusual. Countless minors & women are subjected to such physical abuse every day in our society & nothing is happening to stop it. In the west, they have organizations & agencies like CPS (child protection services) which most of our desi community living abroad (USA,Canada & EU) consider as a conspiracy against them to take over their children, but I realize now that we need similar agencies in our areas as well because we have butcher parents as well, in fact the statistics might show more CHANGAIZEE fathers in our PAK land then over there. On the same note, I am not sure if just strict laws and regulations would be enough to stop these heinous crimes. It’s a matter of changing the over all psyche of the society, nurturing the ideals of humanity and its sacredness. The thing that pisses me off the most is, we claim to be champions of Islam & always seem ready to blow each other off, but do not understand & practice the very basic rules of our religion. This ultimate Jahalat is the root of all evil

  5. srhasan on December 31st, 2008 @ 8:59 am

    Bigger problem this brings to surface is the fact that every asshole – no matter how stupid, how much mentally challenged, how psycopathic gets to marry in our society and then immediately have kids.

    There is no inherent safeguard against assholes and "not ready at all for a family" kind of people to not get to marry and start a family. They are simply not ready and not capable. Also child bearing and having a family is not mandatory for everyone. Even in animals only the fittest and the best gets to propagate mate and prpagate its genes.

    If there is a system where couples can get to live or have more exposure to each other before getting married or at worst before having kids, it should be encouraged.

    Our society is full of people like you mentioned in your story. They are a lot of them in the western society as well but they get checked out much before they can go on to make a family. They can not hold steady relationship so forget about them having kids. No woman will agree to it.
    IN our society where women are second grade citizens, no woman can exercise such powers.

    And do not get me wrong, there are cases where men are stuck where wives are psychos and not ready to raise a family as well but cases are less in number.

    In our society, each and everyone gets to marry without putting any effort to it, without having any idea whether one is ready for marraige and having kids and raising a family. We just march into roles one after another like this is our destiny. Some find it afterwards that they can not handle it. IF a couple wants to take time, the society (mothers, mother in laws, fathers, friends and every other dick and harry) punishes you with constant bugging, gossiping and driving you nuts witgh inquiry and forcing you to have kids as early as possible.

    I guess it is a way people make a statement that "we are miserable. How can you have fun! you become miserable too. And earlier the better."

    Raising kids, having a family is no trivial matter but Alas! it gets trivialized in our society. We can see the affects.

  6. Tariq Khanani (tariqkhanani) on December 31st, 2008 @ 10:22 am

    Regret is what always left after such an act of stupidity.

    Why do man like him think that they are authorized to yell at their family, beat them. What do they think they are ….

  7. fasee on December 31st, 2008 @ 12:34 pm

    reading the cover and the replies proves one point.

    we are a hyper emotional nation who are ready to OVER react wihtout thinking wheter it would bring good or get the situation more worse.

    same as our cheap NGOs try to do…import westren systems without thinking how much more damage it would do.

    All this guy needs is some "Anger Managment Therapy"

    just calling him animal, butcher etc would just agrevate the situation.
    and sadly. thats what as a nation we do, we just throw stones, or come up with half baked crack pot ideas as solutions to a probelm.

    look around us. the society we live in is the result of such established practices.

    gogin to psycologists is still a taboo here….poeple look at them as mental cases if anyone wants to go to therapy….but they just love throwing stones and any given opurtunity…isnt it…

  8. yoman on December 31st, 2008 @ 1:06 pm

    people should really stop and wonder what would drive the father to do the things he did. also try and figure out what sort of childhood he himself had as he was growing up as opposed to trying to put him in a clearly labeled box.

    jamash, if you know the father personally why not sit down and have a talk with him about it? i mean, if psychologists are such a social no-no in pakistani cities, friends aren’t. maybe the man just needs to talk to someone about his problems and issues from the past and you could be that someone? i think it’s pretty cowardly to not outright tell the father that what he did was wrong, as a third party.

    i suppose it’s naive to make him (the father) sound misunderstood when for all i know he could be a raging alcoholic or someone with psychotically sadistic tendencies!

  9. Tariq Khanani (tariqkhanani) on December 31st, 2008 @ 4:43 pm

    maybe the man just needs to talk to someone about his problems and issues from the past and you could be that someone

    Why would someone discuss problem with relative’s wife’s cousin if his family is around him who can understand him better than anyone and can give him every possible support he needs.

  10. Talha Aziz (aziztalha) on December 31st, 2008 @ 4:50 pm

    very very sad indeed … such people should be forcibly put into a rehab centre before they can coexist with the society…


    If there is a system where couples can get to live or have more exposure to each other before getting married or at worst before having kids, it should be encouraged.

    ARE YOU F****NG NUTS ???? Will you allow YOUR sister to do what you are suggesting to others? i dont think people are this ‘bay-ghairat’ like u yet …

  11. pkman on January 1st, 2009 @ 6:53 am

    Talha, Calm down. I don’t think Srhasan meant what you implied. I believe that what he was saying was that prospective couples should spend more time together getting to know each other before making a lifetime commitment. Noting wrong with that.

  12. Talha Aziz (aziztalha) on January 1st, 2009 @ 11:05 am

    ah .. sorry i thought he said "can get to live (with each other)" …

    hey … wait a min .. that’s exactly what he said ! !

  13. srhasan on January 1st, 2009 @ 11:34 am

    Thanks pkman for understanding. And Talha, it was interesting for me ot note that you get only that part out of my comment. You did not get the comment at all. Your moral/religious/puritanical knee jerk reaction was just that – an emotional knee jerk reaction. It is important to remain rational when commenting on someone’s rational comment. I am sorry "Your arguments are wrong because they are against my faith (be definition not rational) and thus you are a monster" does not cut it.

    And coming to your "ghairat" idea. It is also quite telling. I am not sure about you but please clarify that you are for "karo kari" practices, burying of girls alive, and lots of other brutalities that happen in our tribal cultural lands all in the name of "ghairat". Yes all those people are full of "ghairat" and generally consider most of city dwellers "bay ghairat" because they let their daughters, sisters and wives drive cars (OMG!!), study and worst of all crimes even work and become financially viable.

    Oh no, but you were not talking about that insane "ghairat" but that civic mellowed "ghairat" of a city dweller which gets excited only when his sister asserts her right to earn a better life.

    Whatever, this "ghairat" is, its affects have not been worthwhile. I mean look at the places where this "ghairat" is rampant. Are they really greatest places on earth where masses want to iimigrate and thrive? Does Arab Baddus (desert dwellers), tribal areas of Baluchistan, NWFP, FATA, Afghanistan and some other areas of Africa where the finest specimens of "ghairat" holders can be found really hospitable, culturally thriving, inclusive places? Now turn to the western world – which according to your "ghairat mund person" is full of "bay-ghairat" people – almost all of them. Now does that "bay-gharati" has resulted in famine, impoverished conditions there? Does people in western world live short, brutish lives because of their "bay-ghairat" existence. Are the western dwellers necessarlity more unhappy than people of "ghairat mund" areas?

    Given a choice the whole of the world would like to converge in the western world. Period.

    Oh, I get it. Yes, yes, in this world they are okay and better and happier. But you must be talking about the other world, the eternal world, where the "ghairat munds" will be rewarded and "bay-ghairats" will be punished. Yes that great eternal world. Where "ghairat munds" will be rewarded with virgin girls and alas more of the women folk will be in "torment" of janhunnam because they get periods and can’t pray or fast enough to come to the status of man. Right!

    Please do not be sure of ideas/faith that are bestowed on you by accident of birth. How serene that we are lucky enough to land right into this earth and right into the laps of ultimate truth. Accident of our birth and our parents resolved for us all the ultimate questions of life and right and wrong. How great! How fantastic!

  14. Talha Aziz (aziztalha) on January 1st, 2009 @ 1:05 pm

    listen.. m against women oppression, karo kari or any such oppressive acts.. i guess everybody sensible enuff is.. we should stand up against such opression but should not go as far as making fun of our own religion like u did.. (ref: ur sarcasm on being rewarded with virgin girls)
    bro.. What Arab Buddus or people in FATA , Baluchistan are doing is NOT Islamic.. those are their tribal traditions that they impose on women and people blame Islam for it …

    And we need to get our definitions straight.. a civilized world is NOT a western world.. we CAN be civilized living with our own culture (and religion).. we dont need to adapt to western norms just to call ourselves civilized..

    being moderated and open minded doesnt necessarily means being anti Islamic.. getting to know people before u get married is essential .. but getting to LIVE with them is not acceptable in our culture (not talking about religion here .. so that u dont label me a religious fanatic)

    and just out of curiosity srhasan.. (this is in no way related to the discussion .. but ur concluding remarks on the last post made me wonder..) are u an aethist?

  15. freespeaker on January 1st, 2009 @ 2:53 pm

    The father should be charged with attempted murder.

    srhasan’s comments were just like the comments of all secular-extremists who start labeling every bad thing in Pakistan as the product of islam and blame islam as a result. what these people done realize is that they are the extremists who support a form of govt which allows these things to happen. democratically elected people are defending murder, burial alive of women and karo kari etc.

    None of the things they mention are allowed in Islamic law, but they wont realize that since they know nothing about Islam.

    its a shame most of us never studied islam to see the wonderful systems and laws that emanate from it and can solve all of our problems.

  16. sceptic on January 1st, 2009 @ 6:05 pm

    @ Freespeaker – I wish you were a “Freethinker” as well. It did not take you long to label srhasan as “secular-extremist” just because you saw that his rational arguments are hallowing out the fundamentals of a religion. “Extremists” are the ones who resort to violence and other uncivilized means to carry forward what they believe to be correct. From this blog I have no evidence in front of me that may allude to srhasan resorting to violence or a negative tactic to stop someone from practicing his religion. S/he may not agree with the teaching of a religion, or religion in general, or a superstitious belief but a rational person would never stop from anyone practicing that faith. You need extreme self-righteousness that only a religion can bestow to inflict violence on others on the basis of one’s convictions.

    @Talha Aziz – I think any person who supports a sensible and rational head on his shoulders is atheist. Since you have questioned srhasan’s belief, or lack of it to be precise, his/her logical posts should be sufficient for one to take a hint.

    You may be correct that “honour” crimes are not linked to a religion but how would you explain that these crimes predominantly prevail in Islamic conservative societies?

  17. Shamsi (shamsi) on January 2nd, 2009 @ 11:06 am

    Child abuse is NO.

    Though No one addressed the issue, – How & why father – husband can be so ruthless.

    Am sure there is a long overshadowed problem within the relationship of that woman & her man.

    The problem can be traced and resolved if both WIFE & HUSBAND (the mother & the father) sit down and have serious counseling, with some one neutral unbiased, wise & kind enough person to help them with time.

    It is not that MAN is jerk, am sure there must be some loose ends with the wife as well, but our society is developed in a way where the crying, weeping, sobing women is always ‘Right’.

    What is the father side story, Jamash do u care to share ? you shared HER side only .

  18. yoman on January 2nd, 2009 @ 11:49 am

    @Tariq Khannani: Why would someone discuss problem with relative’s wife’s cousin if his family is around him who can understand him better than anyone and can give him every possible support he needs.

    How do you know they can give him every "possible support he needs"?

    It’s exactly these kind of comments that prevent people from going to psychiatrists.

    Lets keep it all in the "khaandaan".

    "Koi zaroorat nai hai kissee say batein karnay kee" etc etc

    And then we have Mr. Talha who nearly had a minor heart attack over the thought of his sister actually getting to know the man she might marry and bear children with, PRIOR to getting married or (heaven forbid), having children.

    I suppose it would be much better if she just got an arranged marriage done and then the husband turned out to be a vicious child beating, wife beating type like the one in this post?

    Are you really this backward or is it just that you were brought up in houses where atrocities were swept under the rug and if a woman was being beaten up and abused every few days you just stared at the ground and said nothing, even if she was your mother or sister?

  19. Talha Aziz (aziztalha) on January 2nd, 2009 @ 3:40 pm

    my point was aurat ko marnay peetnay aur zulm karnay ka taluq logon ki jihalat say hai .. islam say nahi …

    women rights pr baat kartay hua we should not go as far as to start condeming / negating / making fun of our religion… Islam is against all this … its the ignorance and JIHALAT of PEOPLE (and not Islam) that is to be blamed …

    we hav our limits .. and our religion and culture defines it .. and it does not allow anyone to start living with people before marriage…

    now tell me .. y is this so hard for all of u to understand? do u think its OK for a women to LIVE with somebody out of wedlock?? we are talking about LIVING here … we are not talking about getting to know somebody before getting married (which i think i necesary) .. but do we really need to actually LIVE with somebody (against the teaching of Islam) just to know them???

  20. srhasan on January 2nd, 2009 @ 10:05 pm

    Talha, how stupid can you be? Read my comment again.

    "If there is a system where couples can get to live or have more exposure to each other before getting married or at worst before having kids, it should be encouraged."

    Read the "OR" in the sentence, again, so that your religious sensiblity is not perturbed.

    And now regarding your constant assertions that " this is in our culture. This is in our religion. How can this be changed?". How naive can you be! Is culture or certain religious stupidity or bullshit has to be tolerated for all times!! Is it written in stone that culture and religion can not be challenged or changed or ignored, no matter how stupid, how tribal, how time bound itis?

    It is the culture of Arabs to be sexist, insecure about women so it should be always allowed. Many tribal areas it is the culture to deny their women basic rights so it be! It is the religion of christians to persecute heretics, torture them , kill jews, so let it be. For 5 solid centuries, christain church persecuted heretics and scholars and women at their whim in the name of inquistion, so let it be. And again please do not take the easy route of "yes yes But Islam is so glorious". No. Islam’s history like those of all organized religion is full of murder, usurped rights, wars and in a nutshell all the craziness of an Arab tribe of 14 hundred years ago. It is in our religion to beat women to cow them into obedience (please do not follow the apologetic muslim route of "oh no. you are not getting the context" and other bullshit). It is in hindu religion for women to burn with her dead husband. So what! Lets respect it and keep it that way. Catholic church does not allow condom use and so does many many muslim clerics. So they should be obeyed? It is the cultures of Inca’s of South america to give human sacrifice every day for sun to shine. Oh, well, it was the culture of that time. Should be respected! Egyptians and some other muslims areas if Africa are notorious for circumcising women to keep them chaste. Lets allow it too, as it is their culture.

    In todays world, when cultures and religion collide and mix every day, we have to develop a common paradigm of morality for all. Tribal, sexist, murderous bullshit of which most religions are full of, needs to be removed and oblitrated. So should be the fate of "cultural" barbarism and other backwardness.

    I can write more and point several other fallacies in your comments, Talha, but I would advise you to read your comments again. See how illogical they appear. And read, read and read more.

    This is my final email in this thread. I am sorry if I have caused this to digress so much.

  21. srhasan on January 2nd, 2009 @ 10:51 pm

    Sorry for one more post (this is not a post rather a link). It is always interesting to listen to Sam Harris. Here is one link from youtube out of many. Enjoy! Talha this is for you. Listen and enjoy!

  22. fasee on January 3rd, 2009 @ 10:16 am

    Like every other mail in metro blog this one is being derailed by internal bickering and we loose focus of the real issue.

    that this guy needed some psychatric help instead of stoning and sterotyping him.

    anyways…we all should do our 2 cents to mak this world a better place. i do it to my best abilities myself aswell,and wish everyone else do that too.

  23. see_it_as_it_is (knownow) on January 4th, 2009 @ 3:23 am

    There is just one comment that I have to make, and it is an aside. The quality of comments on this blog and other blogs/ websites from Karachi and Pakistan has really improved recently! I find the discussions maturer and more tolerant. Perhaps we have just grown through the process of having conversation. Perhaps the very real, palpable violence around us is teaching us to regulate our own words and thoughts. Perhaps we see things as they are.

    And certainly, the blogs/ websites are doing a finer job of regulating the quality of content and comments.

    Good going!

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