Summer Survival Guide

As Xtasy so sadly put it, winter is over and the woollies are all packed. While I am quite reluctant to let go of my shawls, the thought of summer is getting me quite excited for the first time in years, perhaps because this winter was so long drawn out. But since summer is here, let’s get down to the Summer Survival Guide:

1: Buy lots of Jet Sports. In fact, clear out your entire freezer, and if you’re lucky enough to have a deep freezer, clear that out too. Proceed to your nearest general store, and buy all the Jet Sports you can. Dump in freezer and eat twice a day. When the loadshedding begins eat as many as you can so that they don’t go to waste.

2: Buy a mosquito electrocuter. No, I’m serious. They come in the form of tennis racquets, and are powered by a battery. The moment you see a mosquito attempting to show off his/her long legs, trap the mosquito in the racquet’s wires and press the button on the handle. Then smile in glee as the mosquito is fried to death. It sounds quite barbaric, but when you compare it to the torture the mosquito community inflicts every summer, it is quite mild.

3: Buy a radio that runs on batteries, or make sure your cell phone has one included. When there’s nothing on TV, you can always tune in to DJ Crassala on FM 103 and praise God for letting you sound better than her.

4: Hit the beach. If need be, dig a tunnel from your room to the beach. Even on the sunniest day, the water will be a relief from the burning sun.

5: Buy a hat. You may look goofy, but not as goofy as you could look when you go splat on the pavement from heatstroke.

6: Lastly, and most importantly, whenever you go out of the house, take a water bottle with you. No, you don’t need to steal one from your niece’s lunchbox, just buy a plastic bottle and fill it up with cold water. Dehydration cannot be cured with soft drinks, make water your best friend. Carry a portable toilet if you’re going for a long trip or know you’ll be stuck in traffic.

3 Comments so far

  1. jinx (unregistered) on March 1st, 2005 @ 3:01 am

    Those little fans that you can carry around your neck can come pretty handy as well.

  2. misha (unregistered) on March 1st, 2005 @ 9:19 am

    All mosquitoes must die immediately! :@

  3. umar (unregistered) on March 1st, 2005 @ 1:41 pm


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